thisisnotreallyablogforreal

Hi, I hope you and your friends had a good time at the Laugh Lounge and will come back for another show soon. Also, I hope that you and your friends were not offended when I called you guys “cracked out Jewish whores” it was just a part of the act; I was kind of in the moment. Anyway, I just wanted says thanks for supporting live comedy and that I’m sorry, but I can’t marry your nephew Daniel.

At first I thought it was a great idea. I was excited about bringing home a handsome, 26 year old, investment banker to meet my parents at Break the Fast this fall. I mean I have to admit, the thought of dating a guy with a ‘real’ job seemed so appealing. I’ve always lusted over creative types, but I’m sure that once I put in the sex mix I just made, clicked the handcuffs closed, and practiced the strip routine I’ve been working on for amateur night, we would find some common ground. So, I don’t want you to think that it was the corporate thing that threw me off, not at all.

I guess by now you’re probably wondering why I’m refusing your kind, familial offering. Well remember when we were talking at the bar and you said:

Daniel is soooo good looking. He’s a catch. You have to meet him! He really wants to get married soon. You know how it is. Are you Orthodox? No? Ok, no big deal. I mean he wouldn’t make you cover your head or anything, but as long as you’re pretty conservative that’s ok. He’s at the point right now where he can’t really afford to be too picky. He wants to meet his wife soon, probably before the winter is over, so he can move back to LA with her and start a family by the summer. Great! So, let me give you his number . . .

and I just smiled and nodded? Well I was just trying to get rid of you, and that was wrong.I should have just been honest with you at the time and said, “No go babe, I’m a bacon eating, short skirt wearing, orthodox nightmare. The thought of spending my mid-twenties braiding egg bread and popping out babies makes me want to throw myself in front of a subway. I’m only 24, I’m not ready to settle down with one person yet, I don’t even read Hebrew, and I like blondes!” Anyway, I just wanted to clear that up so that poor Daniel isn’t waiting by the phone.

Shabbat Shalom, and hope to see you at another show soon,

Mindy