thisisnotreallyablogforreal
Thursday, April 21, 2005
He’s Watching You and He Loves You
Dear person who submitted my e-mail address to multiple Jesus related internet groups,
Listen, I'm flattered that you want me to be a part of the posse, but you're wasting your time. When I was little my parents tried to get me to clean my room through a type of reward system. It didn't work. I dont respond to the whole, act this way now you'll be rewarded in the future type of logic, especially when the future is synonymous with my death.
Also, it's kind of cruel to send a girl an e-mail with "He's Watching You and He Loves You" in the subject line when she's been previously stalked. Not cool. Good strategy though. I was scared shitless when I opened my mail this morning, and when I found out it was Jesus watching me and not that guy I used to date who collected knives he bought off QVC, I felt the kind of joy that I'm sure only God could give.
By this point you're probably thinking,
"Mindy is a sin-filled bitch"
"It was wrong of me to use Jesus to try to get inside her pants."
"Jews are evil and they deserve to burn for eternity."
And two out of three ain't bad, but please don't add my e-mail address to any more groups unless they involve free-food, coupons I can print out to get free food, free stuff, coupons I can print out to get free stuff, or invitations to join prestigious Mary-Kate /Ashley Olsen fan clubs.
Barrels and barrels of secular love,
Mindy
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Listen, I'm flattered that you want me to be a part of the posse, but you're wasting your time. When I was little my parents tried to get me to clean my room through a type of reward system. It didn't work. I dont respond to the whole, act this way now you'll be rewarded in the future type of logic, especially when the future is synonymous with my death.
Also, it's kind of cruel to send a girl an e-mail with "He's Watching You and He Loves You" in the subject line when she's been previously stalked. Not cool. Good strategy though. I was scared shitless when I opened my mail this morning, and when I found out it was Jesus watching me and not that guy I used to date who collected knives he bought off QVC, I felt the kind of joy that I'm sure only God could give.
By this point you're probably thinking,
"Mindy is a sin-filled bitch"
"It was wrong of me to use Jesus to try to get inside her pants."
"Jews are evil and they deserve to burn for eternity."
And two out of three ain't bad, but please don't add my e-mail address to any more groups unless they involve free-food, coupons I can print out to get free food, free stuff, coupons I can print out to get free stuff, or invitations to join prestigious Mary-Kate /Ashley Olsen fan clubs.
Barrels and barrels of secular love,
Mindy
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