thisisnotreallyablogforreal

I know I hurt you in January when I told you I thought we should spend some time apart. I thought a trial separation would be good for us; that absence would indeed make the heart grow fonder and that I would stumble through your color coordinated aisles again like a former Atkins dieter in a bakery. Yet, I’m afraid that wasn’t the case. You just made me feel old.

Remember when we first met? I was 17, and I thought it was so cool shopping at a store entitled, Forever 21. I had never seen so many reasonably priced, skanky tops in one place. Each one seemed to call out to me. “Mindy, put me on, show the world your belly, back, and half your breasts.” The years went by and suddenly I was 21 shopping at Forever 21. Then I was 23 shopping at Forever 21. Well in three weeks I will be turning 25. Let’s face it, when a 25 year old tries on clothes from a store that markets itself for 21 year olds, but actually makes clothes for 17 year olds, she looks rather foolish.

I am writing you now, dear friend, because yesterday I fell off the wagon. On my way home from buying new running shoes (I’m flat footed, it was confirmed. So sad.) I found myself inside your new Union Square location. I tried on some tops and realized that no female, regardless of her age, should wear halter-tops that are shiny, metallic, or sequiny. Ever.

(if you’re reading this and you own a shiny, metallic, sequiny halter-top and have mistakenly worn it in public- I’m sorry. I hope you’re not offended. Go to your closet right now, put it on, and take a look at yourself in the mirror. Don’t you think you look like you’re trying a little too hard to be “hot n sexy?” I thought so.)

Ok, that halter-top rant was just a way to meander a bit before hurting you. Forever 21, it’s been 8 years and I’m all skanked out. It’s over. We’re over. I’m sorry.

Thank you for helping me get that guy from my History class back to my dorm room Freshman year of college, thank you for getting me free shots, beers, and food at multiple bars/restaurants during the summer season, and thank you for getting that guy I really liked, but was afraid to make a move on, to excitedly maul me in the middle of the street last fall when I was wearing your black, clingy, ultra scoop neck that I got for only 8 dollars! It was all you Forever 21.

X’s, O’s, and cheaply made clothes,

Mindy