thisisnotreallyablogforreal
Monday, July 11, 2005
hiya!
I just want to let all you gals in NYC know that when the temperature rises above ninety degrees, you don’t have to wear make-up. Seriously, I’m not kidding. It’s like an unofficial, accepted summertime rule. It’s ok, don’t freak out. You’re beautiful just the way you are, and don’t you forget it. I just saw so many of you today looking so glamorously uncomfortable. I don’t know how you guys do it. I sweated off my clear lip gloss and sun block on my way to the subway. Anyway, I thought I would give you guys some tips on how to stay cool this summer.
No mascara:
I saw a lot of you out today with clumpy mascara. I know how much men dig seeing that goop between our lashes and how sexy it makes you feel, but when it’s this hot outside you might want to think about making your lashes feel as light as possible. Just a thought.
No foundation:
I also saw some of you wearing that heavy creamy tan-looking foundation. Come on now, that’s just wrong. I don’ care how crappy your skin looks, I don’t care if people called you Pizza Girl or Zitty Mc Titty in college, when it feels like it’s 100 degrees out you’re not allowed to wear anything on your face but sun block. It’s ok, guys will still want to have sex with you, plus you won’t get that shit all over the sheets.
No cream eye shadow:
I also saw some of you wearing cream based eye shadow. Oops, that’s a total summer no, no. Listen, if you’re going to insist on slathering hot pink, glittery stuff over your eyes to go to Dunkin Donuts in the middle of July, you should at least treat your glands to the powder stuff. That way, your eye-lid sweat won’t cause the cream to clump in the crease of your eyes making your look scary and generally unappealing.
Put your hair up:
It’s okay to wear your hair up durring the summer. I promise you won’t look like a man. Put it in a ponytail, a bun, braid it, pile it all on top of your head with a clip ...it’s okay. I know it looks amazing when it’s cascading down your back, with your curls all blown straight— or perhaps you jut had time to blow out that one piece in the front—but I promise you’ll feel 20% cooler if you get it off your neck.
No blush:
Hello?! It’s hot outside you guys. Your checks are going to flush naturally, for real. Plus, when you wear lots of blush you look like a freak regardless of the season. Some girls just don’t have high cheek bones. I don’t, but I deal with it. I don’t try to create bone structure with freaky pink blotches on my face, and you shouldn’t either; especially in the summer.
Okay, I think that’s all for now. Hope you guys spent the day checking out what’s new with handbags, or lounging by the pool painting your toenails and making appointments to get spray tanned next week.
XOXOXO
Keep cool,
~Mindy
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No mascara:
I saw a lot of you out today with clumpy mascara. I know how much men dig seeing that goop between our lashes and how sexy it makes you feel, but when it’s this hot outside you might want to think about making your lashes feel as light as possible. Just a thought.
No foundation:
I also saw some of you wearing that heavy creamy tan-looking foundation. Come on now, that’s just wrong. I don’ care how crappy your skin looks, I don’t care if people called you Pizza Girl or Zitty Mc Titty in college, when it feels like it’s 100 degrees out you’re not allowed to wear anything on your face but sun block. It’s ok, guys will still want to have sex with you, plus you won’t get that shit all over the sheets.
No cream eye shadow:
I also saw some of you wearing cream based eye shadow. Oops, that’s a total summer no, no. Listen, if you’re going to insist on slathering hot pink, glittery stuff over your eyes to go to Dunkin Donuts in the middle of July, you should at least treat your glands to the powder stuff. That way, your eye-lid sweat won’t cause the cream to clump in the crease of your eyes making your look scary and generally unappealing.
Put your hair up:
It’s okay to wear your hair up durring the summer. I promise you won’t look like a man. Put it in a ponytail, a bun, braid it, pile it all on top of your head with a clip ...it’s okay. I know it looks amazing when it’s cascading down your back, with your curls all blown straight— or perhaps you jut had time to blow out that one piece in the front—but I promise you’ll feel 20% cooler if you get it off your neck.
No blush:
Hello?! It’s hot outside you guys. Your checks are going to flush naturally, for real. Plus, when you wear lots of blush you look like a freak regardless of the season. Some girls just don’t have high cheek bones. I don’t, but I deal with it. I don’t try to create bone structure with freaky pink blotches on my face, and you shouldn’t either; especially in the summer.
Okay, I think that’s all for now. Hope you guys spent the day checking out what’s new with handbags, or lounging by the pool painting your toenails and making appointments to get spray tanned next week.
XOXOXO
Keep cool,
~Mindy
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