Monday, February 27, 2006
Dear Hugh Hefner,
Hi! Hope that you’re doing well and that you had a great weekend. So listen, I’m a huge fan of your reality show The Girls Next Door, and as I was watching an episode the other day I had a HUGE epiphany:
I should be your next girlfriend!
Oh my god, I haven’t even introduced myself yet. Sorry! My name is Mindy Raf, and I do stand-up in NYC.
As you can plainly see, I would be a natural addition to the mansion.
I’m sure you’re not convinced yet, and I totally understand. So, I've gone ahead and listed some reasons why I should be the next Girl Next Door. (I've also include some images in case you have trouble envisioning me as part of the gang).
I’m Jewish: Your girlfriends are all hot, don’t get me wrong, but they’ve got no chutzpah. I’m not asking to be the next Jewish centerfold (you’ve been there and done that) I just think you need a little 'ethnicity' in the house. I also cook. Do Kendra, Bridgett, or Holly bring you blintzes in bed? I didn’t think so.
I’m an Entertainer: Look at these pictures of the five of us enjoying an awesome night on the town. Do you see what's in my hand Hugh?
That’s right, I’m always ready to entertain you and the girls.
We Look Good Together: Look how you arm is around me, you’re holding me and loving me just like a Girlfriend. Face it Hugh, my sense of humor turns you on.
My Breasts Are Real: Granted they're a little lower than Kendra's/Bridgett's/Holly's (once I meet them I'll totally be able to tell them apart)but you know what they say, “Once you go natural you’ll never . . .—okay there's no famous saying about real breasts, but you’ll like them. I promise.
You Don’t Have to Have Sex with Me: I just want to live in the mansion and be on TV, so don’t worry about it. I don't want to have sex with you, ever. So, you be the pimp screwing three, tall blondes and I’ll be the 5 foot 2 inch brunette in the back reading a good book or eating some free food.
So what do you think?
Am I in?
Talk it over with the ladies and let me know.
And who knows, maybe one day you'll want all of your girlfriends to be just like me.
Looking forward to hearing from you!