thisisnotreallyablogforreal

Nichelle

(of chicks and giggles-who's also producing the show you're coming to see this Saturday at Mo Pitkins-10pm)

thinks this article is bullshit.

I don't know.

Although I think men who are threatened by funny women are enormous losers, I found myself really relating to this article in terms of my experiences with guys.

Which only means one thing: I've been involved with some VERY insecure men.

Are funny women a turn of? "Hell to the No!!!!" What do you guys think?

I'm in the NYPost this morning. Here's the link. I think you have to sign up to read the whole thing (and I'm at the end), but it's free.

And, I've already gotten an e-mail from a bartender who wants to take me out for drinks. Ha!

Thanks to everyone who wrote in with questions. I'm sorry I couldn’t answer them all. Maybe I'll save the rest and do a Dear Mindy: again.1 column.
Enjoy.

Quick Dear Mindy Disclaimer:
This is an article posted on a HUMOR website. So please don't send Mindy e-mails like, "Your advice is so mean. You suck, Mindy Raf. I can't believe you told that guy to take nude pictures of his roommate. You're a ugly little cunt."

Are you an angry bitter male or a hungry bitchy girl? Please stop now and re-read the disclaimer.

Do you understand? Are we good? Awesome.

Dear Mindy,
I recently started hooking up with my roommate. It has happened a few times now. She initiated everything and also disclosed that she had been thinking about this for awhile. I’m not really that into her, but I have no idea how to break things off and keep the peace. Any suggestions?
steve | 01.04.06 - 10:52 am | #

Dear Steve,
The one rule when hooking up with someone you’re not into is distance. So, in the future, if you work with her, have mutual friends, or LIVE with her, don’t do it. I know it’s hard when she initiates it, but exhibit some self control and have some perspective. For now the only thing you can do is play the “I’m an asshole” card: act in a way that would make any self-respecting woman lose interest.

Hook up with her, take nude pictures of her while she’s asleep, e-mail pictures to all your mutual friends.

Is she still into you?

Call out another girl's name while she’s giving you head. When she corrects you say, “Like it fucking matters.”

Still?!

Okay, get really drunk one night and . . . cont. reading

Almost done with the Dear Mindy column and will try to get it up on Monday. So, you can stop e-mailing questions. It's over.

My Internet is slow so I'm afraid if I write something I'll lose it.

So. . .hmmm.

Remember Rick Slade, the loser who sent me the obnoxious anti-Semitic e-mail? Well I googled him awhile ago and I found this picture.




Rick? Is this you?

Well sort of on vacation. I'm working, but on a tropical island. I have a little wireless connection, but laptops are for the starbucks, and books are for the beach so I'm taking the week off.



Do you feel lost? Abandoned?

The Post Show is back, so spend the time you would have spent here over there watching their new post. and then go back on Thursday.

Or, you could read some of my unanswered Letters linked over
<--------here

Or you could cry. Crying always makes me feel better. When's the last time you had a good cry? Do it. Let it out. Give in to your emotions.

The Post Show was interviewed in
Gothamist today by the lovely Rachel Kramer Bussel



I particularly enjoyed when Brian came out of the closet, the mere mention of Barry Ribs, and when Bob gave out relationship advice.

Go buy the DVD

I’m heading out of the country for a week on Sunday so no Internet. I’m going to try and post the Dear Mindy column by the end of the week, but wow, it’s already Thursday so this is not looking good.

I LOVE some of the questions I’ve received via e-mail though. Especially the ones that are trying to be mean or offensive and are actually just comical and poorly written. So, keep em’ coming.
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Here’s a yummy treat I overheard on the Lower East Side yesterday:

“No, I’m not calling her tonight. Fuck that, she’s on the rag.”

And this is the conversation I heard while I waited in line for a tall skim vanilla latte at Starbucks:

(I know talking about Starbuck’s terminology and the confusion it ensues is hack, but if you picture a long line of angry New Yorkers and one entertained ex-Midwesterner, it’s deliciously entertaining)

Old Lady: I want one small half coffee half steamed milk and—
Barista: (shouts to the girl making the drinks) One tall misto.
Old Lady: No, no not tall, I said SMALL
Barista: I know mam, small is tall
Old Lady: What?
Barista: Small IS tall.
Old Lady: What? No, I want the smallest size. That one (she points to a lady at a nearby table).
Barista: Yes, mam. That’s a tall.
Old Lady: Fine. A TALL half coffee half steamed milk, and one tall-er decaf latte.
Barista: You want a Grande decaf latte?
Old Lady: Do I want a what? No. No Grande’s too big. (shouts across
the room)Miriam!! You want a Grande?!
Miriam: (shouts back from her table) No, a Grande’s too big! I said get me a medium.
Old Lady: So no Grande, I want a MEDIUM decaf latte.
Barista: (shouts to girl making the drinks) One Grande decaf latte.
Old Lady: No! No! I said MEDIUM! Grande’s too big. Can I get someone who speaks English?!

Got this e-mail today from Amazon.com

Because you have purchased diet and nutrition products from Amazon.com, we are pleased to bring you Weight Watchers Online, an online weight-loss plan from the experts at Weight Watchers. Weight Watchers Online allows you to follow the step-by-step plan with interactive tools, tips, information on 27,000 food options, and over 1,000 delicious recipes. Visit WeightWatchers.com to learn more and get started today.

Dear Bastards at Amazon.com,

I don't know who told you about the holiday weight I gained and what asshole in your sick little company thought it would be a good idea to send me this e-mail, but I'm NOT laughing.

First of all, I have NEVER purchased any "diet and nutrition products" from Amazon.com. Bullshit Amazon, nice try.

Secondly, I know ALL about weight watchers. My friend was on it last year and one day I looked through her point book and totaled up my eating points for the day. When I realized that I ate enough to satiate a 400 pound man, my chocolate scone and I walked away in shame.

Lastly, so what if I've gained a little holiday weight! Nobody's perfect. Besides, most of it went to my breasts anyway. So don't be rubbing it in via your EVIL manipulative spam.

If I receive one more dieting/lose weight/nutrition ad in my inbox this week, I'm going to sue your company! I don't know how, since I can't afford a lawyer and have absolutely no case, but believe me I will find a way.

Kiss my ass Amazon.com.

Best to you and yours,

Mindy

hot women & hot music comedy!
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I lost all my links and half the site. My template is erased. I have no idea how, and no time to fix it today, so the site will remain wonky.

Happy long weekend.

First off, let me just say that you’re a great roommate. Also, I just did the dishes, bought toilet paper, and swiffered the living room floor.

Okay, so I think it’s really awesome that you’ve started seeing someone. He seems like a really nice guy. It’s also super awesome that he gives you chocolates and candy a lot. He’s a keeper!

So, remember last night when I said, “Oh no Christy, you’re gonna have to hide that 3 tiered box of gourmet Mrs. Field’s chocolates because if you don’t I’m going t eat them all!” And you said, “Oh Mindy, don’t be silly, help yourself.” And I said, “Okay, maybe Il try a couple.” and then you went to bed?



Well, they’re gone. They’re all gone.

I didn’t mean to finish them, but the diagram on the back of box was all wrong. It showed that the peanut butter filled ones were square with three ridges and the almond coconut ones were round with two ridges, but when I went to bite into the peanut butter filled one it was filled with caramel! It was sooo frustrating.

So, as you can imagine, I had to go through a lot of pieces before finding the peanut butter filled one and by that time it was no longer a quick indulgence, but rather a mission. I was determined not only to find the peanut butter, but to guess which chocolate I held in my hand according to the diagram.

Mindy’s Mind: Almond Butter Toffee
Mindy’s Mouth: Milk Chocolate Truffle

Mindy’s Mind: Pecan Caramel
Mindy’s Mouth: Vanilla cream

Mindy’s Mind: Rasberry Walnut
Mindy’s Mouth: Cashew Cluster

This went on for 40 more pieces until I was face to face with a mountain of sweet smelling crinkled paper. I’m so sorry, but it’s not my fault the chocolate making people don’t make those diagrams more user friendly.

Sorry again.

Looking forwards to Valentine’s Day,

~Mindy

The perfect end to an evening is when you’re sitting at 7A with hot , hot , hot , women whose eyes all light up at the site of food.

Was it a good weekend? Yes. Do I feel ashamed that my happiest moment was getting to eat nachos, chicken fingers and cheese fries (oh my!) at 4am? No. Not at all.
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The Post Show's added some new stuff to their site so go check it out. Plus I think new sketches and DVDs will be available soon.
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Working on the Dear Mindy column this week so be sure to get your questions in to me by friday.

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Two girls sharing some cake at the Coffee Pot yesterday afternoon:

Girl 1: I need to go make myself puke I feel sick, but that was really good.
Girl 2: Well if you're going to be sick we might as well split another piece.

Sometimes the Whole Foods Buffet is the reason I get up in the morning. I don’t care if you guys think that’s pathetic. I really don’t care. There are three things I love when it comes to lunch: lots of choices, integrating different foods together in one plastic container, and getting to weigh my food.

Every time I go to a lunch buffet I think to myself, what a great deal, only 6 bucks for a pound of food! Then I fill up my plastic container with salad, and pasta, and pasta salad, and little something from the Indian Buffet, and a little some from the Latin Buffet, and a little something from the Sushi Buffet, and finally a little taste of the Dessert Buffet. It’s awesome. Until I get to the cashier. I don’t know what’s worse, spending 16 dollars and change at the Whole Foods lunch buffet, or being able to consume 16 dollars and change worth of food-pounds at a Whole Foods lunch buffet.

But the best thing about the Whole Foods buffet is the people. I always just park my pounds of food down wherever there’s an available seat and this makes for great people watching/listening. Yesterday, I had the pleasure of sitting across from four different people who all made me want to throw up my 16 dollars worth of food.

The first two were already sitting down when I got there; two girls around 19 or 20. They both were wearing tights, ballet slippers, lots of make-up, and had their hair up in little braided buns. I get it girls, you’re dancers. But why do you have to wear the slippers out of the studio? It looks ridiculous. Do I walk around the city with a cordless microphone and a laugh track? No. Will I when I’m old and crazy? Yes.

I sit down and they both stop talking and stare at me and my massive container of food. After surveying my choices, the 90 pound girl turns to the 95 pound girl and says,

90 Pounder: Do you know how fattening the mayo is in those pasta salads?

95 Pounder: I know. It’s so nasty ass.

They have insulted my food, and I hate them already.

90 Pounder: You and Jeremy we’re so cute at the party. How jealous was Stephanie?!
95 Pounder: So jealous!
90 Pound: She’s such a bitch.
95 Pounder: I know. She’s just pissed cause Jeremy and I, like, really mesh.
90 Pounder: Totally. You so mesh
95 Pounder: We do. We’re like . . we’re like . . .

She looks down at her container.

95 Pounder: Spinach and Artichokes!
90 Pounder: Ha! No, no, no, you’re like cucumber and avocado.
95 Pounder: Chips and Salsa!
90 Pounder: Ha! Good one!

They do this for the next ten minutes while I finish my artery clogging pasta salad.

The next people who sat across from me were a cute couple sharing one cute little plastic container. They seemed okay, not too annoying. Yet the girl talked really softly so I had a hard time overhearing their conversation. That is until a friend came over to say hi.

Friend: What’s up girl? I always see you around here.
Girlfriend (whose name we will find out later is Laura) I know. Have you met Joel before?
Friend: Yeah, I think we met once before.
Joel: Hey, what’s up?

So they talk and eat blah blah blah and then the friend turns to Joel and says,

Friend: Wait, are you from Boston?
Joel: Nope.
Friend: Where are you from again?

And Joel looks at his girlfriend, smiles, and says,

Joel: I’m from Lauraville. I don’t know if you’ve heard of it. It’s located in Lauratown just off the St. Laura Bridge.

Then Joel laughs at his brilliant statement of affection, Laura giggles, the friend exclaims “That is sooo sweet!” and I throw up a little bit in my mouth.

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Just a reminder: add your questions for the Dear Mindy column in the comment section or e-mail mindy@mindyraf.com. And, if you’re sending them via e-mail, please put Dear Mindy as the subject. If you put something X rated in the subject line ( Jason from Ohio!) I will probably think it’s spam.

Hey Mindy,

My question is that of a girly breasty nature. You and I both know the joys of having nice, perky, jewish girly titties... But at what price. My boyfriend loves my double ds, but he also (he doesnt tell me this, i just know) would like it if I were thinner... And I just wanna tell him, it's me or the twins, muffin.

xoxox
angie 03.17.05 - 2:21 pm |

Dear Angie,
I really want a t-shirt that has "nice, jewish, girly, titties" written across the chest. Will you make me one?
Thanks.
Angie, your boyfriend loves your DD’s, and he loves your body, and he doesn’t want you to be any thinner, and you don’t need to be any thinner. (please note: if you’re seriously overweight and not just womanly, like over 300lbs, maybe you do need to be thinner for health reasons and stuff)
If your boyfriend really wants you lose weight then you need to get rid of him right away.
Men who are turned on by women with thin, little boy bodies secretly want to be dating thin little boys, and that’s no fun.
You think your boyfriend would want you more if you were super skinny, but that’s just years of stored up insecurity due to reading Cosmo and YM during your developmental years. If you want to lose weight for you, go ahead. Eat right, exercise, drink nothing but carrot juice for 6 years, be my guest. But don’t stay with a guy who likes you just for your DD’s, especially one that lets you call him muffin.
xoxox back at ya,
Mindy
-------------------------------------------------------

And I helped her, I really did!

hey mindy,

hope your fast is going easily. I am just trying to sleep away as much as the day as I can.

anyways, I want you to do another "Dear Mindy" column on collegehumor. The last one was jokes, and totally contributed to my 15 seconds of online fame.

for the record, I dumped the boy, and am still working on your "nice jewish girly titties" tee shirt.

xoxox
angie

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So because of Angie and because answering questions is easier than coming up with a new column right now, I’m doing another Dear Mindy column. Please feel free to put your questions in the comment section or send them to me at mindy@mindyraf.com

What do you mean, questions? What are you talking about Mindy? I'm so confused! What? What?!

Dear Mindy

Dear Mindy. . . Part Deux

So post or send me your questions right . . .now.

Hey guys Becky Becekkerson here the hottest girl ever, what’s up? Happy New Year people!

Okay, so I’m still working on my flickr site. I knooow. It’s taking sooo long. So many digital pics, so little time. But don’t worry bitches its going to be so off the hook. I’ve added a set of 300 new pictures of just me opening up my Chanukah gifts, and a set of pics of my new Nano from a lot of different angles. I love my new Nano, I love the holidays, and I LOVE LOVE flickr! Duh!

So did all you guys have a kick ass new years?! I did. I was wayaaayaaayaaaysted baby! So drunk! Also I looked SO hot. Duh! I wore this really hot dress and when my boyfriend saw me he was like
“Oh my god you are so hot!”
and I was like
“Shut up! I am NOT”
and he was like
“Yes you are baby, you are like the hottest, hot hottie that ever was!”
Isn’t he the bestest guy?
I love you baby! Are you reading this right now? Are you? Hi baby you complete me. XXOO XXXXOOOO XXXO! Oopps,I guess you're not reeading this right now since your going down on me as I type! Ha! LOL!

K, so then we left to go to this party downtown. It was an iclusive party but we were on the VIP list so we only had to wait in line for 45 minutes. Of course I brought the dig cam and took some kickass pics. Can not wait to add these sets to my flickr.

Me Drunk
100 photos
My boyfriend drunk
200 photos
Some of my friends drunk
140 photos
Pics of all the alcohol we drank
42 photos
Me in my new years outfit
200 photos
Drunk me taking a picture of myself taking a picture of myself in the mirror
22 photos


So be sure to check it out soon.

OMG! At one point of the night/morning I was so drunk I ended up face down on the pavement and almost choked on my own vomit. Ha! Comedy Gold! My friend Cortney picked me up and was like, “Becky, even with vomit dripping down your mouth you are still SO HOT.”

Ok, that’s all for now. Hope you guyes new year was
A-W-E-S-O-M-E!

Luv ya like a sister (unless I hate you! LOL)

Becky Beckkerson