Monday, April 28, 2008
Aliza Shvarts Breaks Up with her Boyfriend
Aliza: I think we should break up?
Boyfriend: For real?
Aliza:Well, I can't really tell you if this is real or not. The nature ofthis break-up doesn't consist of any certainties, you know?
Boyfriend: Stop talking like that and just tell me, are you really breaking up with me or not?!
Aliza: I can't! It's impossible to accurately identify the break-up. I'm sorry.
Boyfriend: (sigh)So, I guess we're over?
Aliza: Yes. But fictitiously. And factually, too. Our break-up, in a sense, is a long narrative of truthful lies.
Boyfriend: What? What do you mean?
Aliza: I'm sorry, but I have to stay ambiguous for the sake...of the break-up.
Boyfriend: Wait, is this one of your "art" projects?! I told you from the beginning: don't involve 'us' in your 'art.' That's my deal breaker!
Aliza: I'm not! I don't love you anymore. It's over.
Boyfriend: Fine. This better be real though because I'm going to tell people.
Aliza: Fine. Good
Boyfriend: Oh...wait a minute. I get it! You're just telling me we're breaking up soI can tell EVERYONE about it. But really, the actual break-up will bethe product of everyone's reaction to this pseudo break-up. Nice try, but I'm not falling for it.
Aliza: Don't try to understand me, baby. You're not smart enough.
Boyfriend: Sorry. So...are we still together?
Aliza: Yes, but just as a concept.
Boyfriend: Can I f*ck you later?
Aliza: Yes. Except the vagina as a receiver of the dick is a total myth, so we'll have to experiment.
Aliza: Hey sweetie, will you grab that plastic over there and lay it out on the floor so I can bleed on it?
Boyfriend: Yeah, no problem. Wait...for "real?"
Does anyone else think this Aliza freak stole her look from Leibya Rogers?